


It wasn't an argument

by Bakz



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Mentioned Bow, Now Catra and Adora talk too, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Shadow Weaver | Light Spinner (She-Ra)'s A+ Parenting, glimmer gives the hug this time, this is mostly catra and glimmer talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:27:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25176880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bakz/pseuds/Bakz
Summary: At Adora's request, Glimmer goes looking for Catra after she disappears. - Do you think she's going to jump off the balcony or something? Why did you argue? - It wasn't an argument. Please, I just want to know if she's okay.Or, Glimmer and Catra talks about maternity.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 77





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, English is not my mother tongue. I apologize in advance for the unga unga.
> 
> I did the best I could, I really hope it's okay x'd

\- Can you see if she's okay?

\- Why don't you go see her?

\- She said she needs to think. I want to respect her space, I’m just... I'm worried.

That's what Adora said.

\- You don't have to ask her anything, I don't want to invade her privacy. I just want to make sure that she doesn't hurt herself.

Glimmer raised an eyebrow.

\- Do you think she's going to jump off the balcony or something? Why did you argue?

Adora stepped back slightly.

\- It wasn't an argument. Glimmer, please.

Well, when had Glimmer been good at denying Adora something?

So here it was.

Walking through the halls of Bright Moon Castle in search of a big and elusive cat.

She was not talking about Melog.

It could certainly teleport. But she didn't think Catra took it very well that she appeared out of nowhere at his side. She did not want to kill her, for example, if she got scared and fell from one of the balconies she liked to sit on (Glimmer had learned some of his tricks over the years)

So here it was. Climbing stairs and cursing her life because, hell.

Who climbs stairs when you can teleport?

This...

It could have been a bad idea.

Were the towers always that high?

Maybe she should exercise more.

What if Catra wasn't even in this tower after all?

Hell, if Catra was, stupid enough to slip - She doubted it - she'd be looking for her later.

Fuck it.

And in a snap, plop, she was on the balcony with his hands on his knees still struggling to get back some oxygen.

She had almost forgotten what she was looking for when she heard.

\- I told Adora that I needed to think.

Glimmer, still panting from exhaustion, looked up to see the cat sitting on the edge of the balcony.

\- Don’t... - Gasp - I don't know what you're talking about.

Catra rolled her eyes.

\- Don't pretend that Adora didn't send you to check me. I'm fine, I'm not a child.

\- But you ran away like one.

Catra's ears stuck to her head and her lips thinned.

\- I did that… didn't I?

Glimmer allowed herself to pay more attention to the girl now that she was breathing relatively normally. She was able to better see the position she was in.

She was sitting on the balcony with a bag of familiar green leaves in her hand.

\- I thought you quit that.

\- I had.

\- Does Adora know?

\- I don't have to tell her everything.

That was trash and Catra knew it. It was true that she wasn't obliged to tell her everything, but they did not usually keep secrets between them. It took her a few seconds to give the real  
answer.

\- I don't want her to worry.

Glimmer nodded.

Okay, I think we should make a point to talk about Catra's history with the catnip.

It wasn't like if Adora couldn't know. Catnip was a topic they had dealt with at its time and had been a recurring theme in Catra's life for the past 2 years. Catra had discovered it by chance on one of her visits to the crimson waste and had found relief in it for many of her aftermath of the war.

It helped with the phantom pains that kept from the chip, with her anxiety attacks and, apparently, a little before sleeping eased the nightmares.

All those things only Adora knew for a long time. They were things that cost her a lot to accept and tell her and Bow. Telling it had been a decision she made under the influence of catnip.

"Isn't there a problem with it? Like, a side effect or something?"

"It's a narcotic, isn't it?"

Then they spoke with Perfuma and she said it was fine. That it would not have any side effects, but that's better she consumes it moderately so that she did not depend too much on it.

Catra genuinely seemed calmer.

But Adora doesn't.

And months passed and Adora never said anything because Catra seemed happy to be able to sleep well.

And one day Adora just started crying.

"You don't feel like you" she had said.

"Honey, what are you talking about? It's me"

"No, you're not"

At some point Glimmer and Bow retired to give them some privacy.

They discussed the issue for their part afterward.

Of course Catra felt different. She was about 55% less intense. She no longer hops around, chases mice, or jokes with Glimmer.

It just seemed absent. With reflexes too slow for a cat or little energy.

It wasn't a secret, everyone had realized that. Even Scorpia had asked once.

But, could they ask her to go back to the way she was before? The Catra who didn't like having sleepovers because she was ashamed to wake up screaming in the middle of the night? The Catra who had constant Prime-related panic attacks triggered by anything?

And they knew that Adora knew it, and had kept it for a long time. Because of how unable she felt to ask Catra that.

But at the same time, they couldn't imagine what it would be like to see how the person you love is lost gradually in just a glimpse of what she used to be.

They did not know exactly what happened that night. Only it was a long and tearful discussion.

And then Catra had been leaving and relapsing. And no one could blame her. No one even mentioned it. They were only there for her. To give her the support she will need in the decision she will make.

So, going back to the present, she had started going to therapy again as an option to work on her trauma. As far as Glimmer knew she had been clean for six months

And now she was there. Alone on a Bright Moon balcony chewing on leaves like a damn sheep.

Again.

\- What are you doing here?

\- I don't know, Glimmer. I don't think I've ever known what the hell I'm doing.

Woh, then, we were being open with our feelings. Okay. She did not want to give merit to the catnip, because it was something that Catra had been working on, but the truth is that it was also unusual.

\- I don't think any of us knows.

Catra smiled.

\- And are you going to tell me? Why did you argue with Adora?

Catra's hair stood on end. She ran her hand over the nape of her neck but her tail still looked like a raccoon's.

\- Adora and I don't argue.

\- Yes, she said the same... It didn't sound very convincing.

\- Seriously, it wasn't an argument. - She chewed on another piece of the leaf before continuing. - She said she wanted a baby.

Glimmer's eyes widened.

\- A baby? Like a baby, baby?

\- Yes, Glimmer. - She replied rolling her eyes. - Like a baby, baby. Like, her and me having a baby, baby.

Glimmer took a couple of seconds to reflect.

\- And you... Do you want that?

\- I don't know. - She admitted. - I mean, I love Adora. I would do anything in the world with her but, I don't know if being a mother is something I can do.

\- There are many ways to have children, Catra.

\- Don't be an idiot, Sparkles, I don't mean that.

Glimmer didn't even take the time to defend herself. I just keep silent hoping that the other will explain.

\- I don't know anything about children.

\- You can learn. Glimmer shrugged. - There are many maternity books in the library. You can ask Cataspella...

\- Even if I learned about diapers or whatever, how could I be a good mother, Glimmer? - She had said this in a more ragged voice. Glimmer had turned to watch her wipe her face with one hand.

\- Is that what worries you?

Glimmer, perhaps, would have liked this fact at another time. It would have generated tenderness for her and she would have annoyed Catra about how tough she appeared to be and she was actually worried about not meeting her son's expectations.

Maybe she would have if Catra didn't look so...

Wound?

Mortified?

\- I have no idea how to be a functional person. I... - She was running her hands through her hair, brushing away the now long strands that fell over her eyes. - I have anger issues, those... stupid, anxiety attacks. I can't even sleep like a fucking normal person, Glimmer, I can't even sleep.

Glimmer was paralyzed. The other girl had started to raise her voice as she spoke, and her crying was getting more and more out of control.

\- Did you talk to Adora about this?

\- No. - She said in what seemed like a whisper.

\- Why? She would have understood.

\- I don’t know. - She said, without looking at her. Her eyes were closed, perhaps trying in vain to control the tears that streamed down her face. She slid her back down the stone railing, sitting down. - I just started thinking about all that and... I don't know, maybe I didn't want her to know how useless I am.

\- You're not useless, Catra.

\- No? - A slight ironic smile appeared on her face. - I don't even remember how I got here. But that's what I've always done, right? I run away from my problems. Look, Adora asked me if I wanted to have a child and I said, sure, let me sleep on the roof and think about it.

\- Don't you remember how you got here?

\- Is that the only thing you heard?

\- Catra...

Catra's lips drew a fine line. She shook her head slightly.

\- I wanted to get away from there so much. I thought I was going to start crying. Why would I say all this to Adora? She would only apologize for mentioning it and tell me everything is fine. When it's not. She has every right to ask me what she wants and I shouldn't be so upset.

Glimmer nodded slowly. She came over to sit next to her on the floor.

\- Catra, you are not forced to have a child. Not all people have to have them. You can tell Adora that, she would understand.

It's not that I don't want to. - She refuted just by separating her teeth. - It's just that... - Glimmer could see her jaw clenched. His hands, his tail curled around her legs. - I was thinking.

Catra seemed to be trying very hard to speak, so Glimmer didn't push. She just sat next to her and waited.

She saw her swallow before continuing.

\- I was thinking about Shadow Weaver.

\- You... miss her?

\- No! Glimmer cringed at the tone of his voice. Catra seemed to notice and retract. - No... No, I mean ... It can be, sometimes, but I wasn't thinking about her because of that.

\- I don't know much about her, Catra. But based on what Adora has told me and how little I knew her, I don't think she is the best example of a mother. You know it, don't you?

\- Of course I know... - She said, more calmly. - I know what she did with us was wrong. It hurt me and Adora. Damage that I'm still dealing with today. But it was still like my mother, and I know nothing more than that.

Glimmer nodded.

\- That doesn't have to define who you are as a mother, Catra.

\- I don't know... Sometimes I think... Sometimes I think I'm already like her.

\- … What?

Catra shrugged her shoulders.

\- That... That’s not true!

\- I'm not a good person, Glimmer. Everyone keeps saying that, but I'm not. - Catra had started crying again. Although this time her voice was more controlled, Glimmer could glimpse the tears on her face. - I am manipulative and I hurt people who try to help me. And sometimes I get upset and... I try to vent my anger on others. Even when I know they are not to blame.

\- But you don't do it on purpose. And you've been working on it.

\- How long? Three years have passed since the war.

\- Those kinds of habits don't change from one day to the next.

\- And when are they going to change? When Adora realizes the disaster that I am and gets tired of me? When everyone realizes that I'm a waste of time and stops trying?

Catra let out a grunt as she hid her face in her hands. She doesn't stop running her fingers down his cheeks. Glimmer figured it must be awkward to wear it soaked.

\- I'm dependent on a damn plant because I can't control my own emotions.

\- Oh, Catra.

\- Adora is strong, you know. If one day I go overboard with her, hurt her or something, she will kick my ass. But a child... - Catra inhaled deeply when her voice was shaking too much. She let out the air and continued. - I destroy everything I touch, Glimmer. I can't afford to do the same thing she did to me. It's not fair, no... I don't deserve to have a child. They would not deserve that.

Glimmer did not know what to say. So she just hugged her.

It was shit. That Catra felt that way about herself after all the effort she had been making. It was rubbish. Yes, she had done horrible things, but there was not a second in the last 3 years that she had not tried to repair it. Hell Glimmer isn't that she was the one to judge. She had made mistakes of similar magnitudes and had not had a minimally similar past to Catra's. Even Mermista had begun to trust her after sincerely considering his effort.

But no matter how much they repeated to Catra that none of that mattered anymore. Sometimes there were only bad days. Like this.

They didn't see them. Catra used to not allow anyone to see her like that except Adora. But it was something they eventually knew. And if they didn't talk to them, they still sensed it. And they did not press if it was obviously something they did not want to share.

It had been so long without seeing one of it that she almost thought it was a thing of the past. "She is better now," she thought.

But here it was.

She wondered if anything she said could help.

\- Why didn't you talk about this with Adora?

\- I don't know.

\- You say that a lot...

\- I just don't know why I act the way I do, Glimmer. I never know why I'm doing what I'm doing. All the time. I say things that I don't b and sometimes when I want to say things, like how I feel, I just can't.

\- You're talking about this with me.

\- It's because of the weed.

\- Don't give hall the credit.

Catra laughed.

Or something like that.

\- Do you think I would be a good mother, Glimmer?

Glimmer considered it. After all, she wasn't a mother. Who was she to give her advice?

But Catra was asking, wasn't she?

Then Catra considered her advice to be valuable. True?

\- I think... - Glimmer started. - I don't think anything Shadow Weaver did should define you as a person. - Catra opened her eyes slightly. - I don't think anything in your past should define who you are now.

\- I think this is not how pasts work, Glimmer. - The highest joked.

\- Shut up and listen. - She replied laughing. - Would you love that child?

Catra raised a confused eyebrow.

\- Sorry?

\- If you had a child with Adora - She clarified - Would you love them? Would you love them as much as you love Adora?

She could see how the cat's ears stuck to the nape of her neck.

\- With my life.

Glimmer smiled.

\- Isn't that by itself much more than what Shadow Weaver did for you?

Catra's eyes widened in understanding.

-Do you think it would be okay? - I ask incredulously. - Do you really think I would do a good job?

\- I think it's something you and Adora should talk about. I think you two could be amazing mothers, but you should talk about it. If you feel that you still have things to solve, you should tell her. Both of you have to feel ready for it.

\- And what if I don't feel ready? - Asked the other, bringing her knees closer to her chest. - What if I'm never?

\- Adora will understand.

Catra nodded.

\- ... So you think?

\- I'm sure.

Glimmer is not sure how many minutes passed. Just sitting enjoying each other's company. At some point, Catra offered her Catnip and she agreed to make the joke. The Catnip did not affect humans anyway. Catra dropped the rest onto the balcony.

\- That restarts the counter.

Glimmer shrugged.

\- Maybe you don't have to leave it permanently. - She suggested. - Maybe it's like alcohol. Occasionally it's fine.

Catra denied.

\- I need to start dealing with my problems. - It was all the answer she gave.

At some point, with the third moon already high, it was cold. Glimmer, who did not have a fur coat to cope with the temperature, got up.

\- Good. I'm going to tell Adora that you didn't jump off the balcony. Shall I tell her not to wait for you?

Catra hurried to get up too.

\- No, I ... I'm going to talk to her.

Glimmer nodded with a smile.

Catra walked up to her height and with what seemed a little doubt she said.

\- Oh, and ... Glimmer ... Thank you. I ... What you said helped, I ... I think I needed to hear it.

Glimmer nodded once more.

\- You can always talk to us, you know. - She assured. - Bow and me. We are your friends. If you need someone besides Adora to talk to, we are here. We know that she is not always entirely honest with her feelings.

  
Catra's eyebrows raised slightly.

\- I... thanks. - Said. - I don't know what to say, just ... It's worth a lot, I think.

Glimmer's smile remained. A couple of seconds passed and Catra was still there. Shifting the weight between her feet.

Glimmer raised an eyebrow.

\- ¿What? Are you waiting for a hug or something?

Catra's posture changed. Now stiff. Even in the moonlight alone, Glimmer could see the tips of her ears - the only patch of skin free of hair enough to be seen - red.

\- No, I ... You know what, I'm leaving. Good night, Sparkles.

Glimmer's mouth that had drawn a perfect "O" was now babbling.

\- You...! No! Wait, I was jocking. I didn't know you really wanted that.

\- I have no idea what you're talking about, I wasn't expecting anything ... - Catra choked on her words when she collided with something - which was definitely not there before - on her way.  
Glimmer had teleported and hung around his neck.

Catra had the urge to jump. Maybe slipping away. She even felt her claws unintentionally pull out.

But she didn't do any of those things. Instead, she sank into the hug.

Because hell, she needed it.

\- If you tell anyone about this, I'll kill you.

Glimmer laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ... Catnip is a bit like weed but with some differences for the convenience of the script.  
> I repeat that of not being a native speaker. If you see something wrong feel free to tell me uwu  
> If you love or if you hate you can tell me at the comments. It's free, like league of legends, but we don't spam on youtube.


	2. The talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora and Catra talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I repeat the native speaker ...
> 
> I think this time is better but I promise nothing xd
> 
> A couple of things were corrected in the previous chapter but only as far as my own abilities allow, so there is a high possibility that I have still forgotten things xd
> 
> Without more to say I hope you enjoy it uwu

It's after midnight when Catra returns to the room.

She carefully opens the door. She doesn't want to wake up Adora.

Her vision quickly adjusts to darkness. She makes out the silhouette of Adora snuggled between the sheets.

She came with the intention of talking to her. But already here she does not want to wake her up. She more than anyone knows that Adora hardly allows herself to rest. Perhaps the prudent thing would be to wait until tomorrow.

She does not want to withdraw. She doesn't want Adora to wake up before her and think she just decided to sleep somewhere else. But getting into bed is out of the question. Child soldiers are not characterized by heavy sleep.

She walked to the other side of the room. There was a small sofa whose intention was never very clear. Some craze for princesses for filling empty spaces with unnecessary furniture. Now it looked like a good option.

It takes a while to get comfortable. It felt weird sleeping in a place other than her bed.

No.

Catra was simple. She could sleep on the floor in a cave if necessary and wouldn't have too much trouble.

I felt weird sleeping without Adora.

She could count on one hand the times she had done it the past 3 years.

\- Are you going to sleep there?

Catra's ears twitched curiously. Adora was looking at her now. She had barely budged.

\- I thought you were asleep. - Said. - Sorry, I didn't want to wake you up.

\- You didn't wake me up.

\- You haven't slept at all?

\- I was worried.

\- Oh ... - Of course she does. - Sorry...

There were a few awkward seconds of silence, in which she didn't know exactly what to say. She supposed that Adora couldn't see her but Catra could.

She looked so tired.

Apologize.

She told herself.

You came here because you wanted to apologize.

\- Are you okay?

Catra looked up quickly. Was she asking if she was okay? To her?

She nodded.

\- Come here, you will catch cold.

She got up from the sofa with some doubt. She sat on her side of the bed, not looking directly at the blonde.

She was ashamed. Receive this kindness after having acted as you did. It didn't feel right.

\- Sure you're okay?

She had been so determined to speak to Adora. But here it was. Frozen

\- I'm fine. I was just thinking. Talking a little with Glimmer.

Adora opened her eyes, suddenly seemed embarrassed.

\- Oh .. Sorry, I know you wanted your space, but I was wo...

\- No, no. It's okay. I was the one who left without giving reasons. Sorry to have worried you.

\- Yes, but ...

\- Please don't apologize. - She asked her. - I acted badly. I don't want you to feel like you can't tell me things for fear of how I'm going to react. You can tell me what you want. You're my girlfriend. I shouldn't have left.

Adora nodded.

\- You don't have to answer today, you know. It was a difficult question. I just said it, like, to bring up the idea. - She said in a whisper. As if despite what Catra said, she was afraid that Catra would get up and leave again. - I wasn't expecting us to make a decision at the time.

\- I know, I just ... I'm so sorry. I thought about many things and was overwhelmed.

\- I was worried. You put on that face you put on when you're going to start thinking badly about yourself.

Catra laughed.

\- I think you know me well. - She tried to joke, but her smile instantly faded at Adora's anguished frown. - Oh hey, don't worry about it. I already feel better. The chat with Glimmer helped a lot.

If Catra could better distinguish colors, perhaps she would have noticed Adora's prominent blush.

\- You ... You told Glimmer ...

\- Well, yes ... Oh, hell. Did you want it to be something between us? Sorry, I shouldn't have said it. I fucked up, didn't I?

\- No, no. It's okay, I just ... I hadn't thought about that yet. I'm glad she helped you.

\- Still, I'm sorry.

\- It's okay, Catra. It wasn't a secret.

Catra swallowed hard. She knew they were ignoring the elephant in the room. Adora wasn't going to demand an answer from her but she really wanted to give it. She deserved it.

But the words, just, didn't come out.

Instead, she looked at Adora's face and only said the first thing that occurred to her.

\- I love you very much, you know that?

Adora's eyes widened slightly at the change in tone, but it was quickly replaced by a small smile.

\- Love you too. - Answered. And Catra could swear she physically felt the heat on her chest. - Come on, change your pants. You won't sleep like this.

The brunette obeyed. A couple of minutes later she was back in bed in more comfortable clothes. She got into the sheets, still feeling a little insecure. She didn't even dare look her in the eye much.

Adora was not angry, but she was definitely hurt. Even if she wasn't going to tell her directly, because she was very considerate of her feelings and would understand any irrational outbursts she had. Catra had hurt her again and she was very embarrassed.

\- I'm so sorry, Adora. - How many times had she said it tonight already? Probably not enough. She was beginning to feel the lump in her throat form again.

\- It's fine.

\- No, it's not. Please, I know you have good intentions, but stop justifying me. - She swallowed. She was crying. - I want to be better for you. I know it sounds weird, but I need to feel guilty about this. If I make light of it I ... I think I'll do it again, you know, and I don't want to do it again.

Adora had crawled up beside her, but she didn't realize how close he was until he felt her wipe the corners of her eyes.

\- I know you're trying hard, Catra. - She assured. - I didn't want to detract from your effort, I just wanted to say that I am not upset.

The brunette nodded, trying to clear her throat enough to speak again.

\- Sorry. For being a disaster.

\- You're not a mess, honey.

\- I'm going to work on it. I want to be better for you ... And for me. I don't want to keep hurting the people I care about. - She hadn't opened her eyes, but she could feel Adora's lips kissing the corners of her eyes. She stayed there for a while. Spreading kisses on her face as she calmed down and steadied her breathing.

When she felt calm enough, she pulled her away and looked her in the eye.

\- I don't feel good about myself now. I need to solve a couple of things. Feeling better about my past. - Adora looked at her patiently, although she didn't seem to understand where she was going. - You are the most important thing in my life and almost nothing makes me more excited than having a child with you. So I would never take it lightly. I want to do a better job than they did with us, you know. I don't want to repeat history. So ... please ...

Give me a little time to figure these things out.

And ask me again.

Adora's eyes, which had been wide open from the second half of her speech, had begun to moisten.

\- Oh, Catra. It doesn't have to be now. We are very young, we have all the time in the world. - Tears flowed freely down her face. - I didn't think you would have thought so much about it.

\- I know, I don't usually think much about things.

\- That was not what I meant.

\- Never mind. Take it as a confession then.

Adora laughed.

And even, with puffy eyes, messy hair, and amid a tearful laugh, Catra saw her as the most beautiful woman in the world.

She was a lucky bitch

\- I love you. - Adora said, finishing laughing, to lean in a rough kiss, perhaps with a little more force than necessary. Both moans of pain were accompanied by a couple of laughs and more messy kisses.

Then Adora would wait for her. It would be hard work. Becoming the person you wanted to be.

But Adora would be by her side. And Adora believed in her.

Enough to want to start a family.

Like, a real one.

Sure, they were married, yes, and Glimmer and Bow were practically their family, yes.

But this felt different.

It was something new, something of them. Something beyond the horde, special and wonderful, and Adora wanted to share it with her and only her.

And Catra could not feel more fortunate.

The future was promising.


End file.
